All But Invisible by Nate Collins

Author:Nate Collins [Collins, Nate]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Zondervan
Published: 2017-07-02T00:00:00+00:00

AFFECTIONATE INTIMACY

Another element of intimacy that can characterize human relationships is the demonstration of affection. An article published in the March 2010 volume of Pediatrics & Child Health provides a helpful summary of the current research on the importance of physical touch for normal human development.6 Physical touch stimulates our nervous system in ways that inhibit the production of cortisol, one of the body’s primary stress hormones, and promote the release of oxytocin, humorously nicknamed the “cuddle hormone.” Without going into the details of current scholarly opinion on the subject, we can safely suggest that physical touch plays an integral role in healthy childhood development.

Demonstrations of physical affection will, of course, vary from culture to culture and even from one type of relationship to another.7 Cultural practices that might communicate affection between friends in one culture might occur only between a husband and wife in another. For example, we don’t typically apply Paul’s frequent command to “greet one another with a holy kiss” literally today in most Western cultures. Or consider another especially moving example of this affection at the end of 1 Samuel 20, when David and Jonathan part ways because of King Saul’s animosity toward David. The narrative tells us that “they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most” (v. 41). Years later, after Jonathan and Saul are killed in battle, David describes Jonathan’s love for him as “wonderful, more wonderful than that of women” (2 Sam. 1:26). If this sounds strange, homoerotic even, to twenty-first-century readers, there’s a good chance that our assumptions about appropriate ways to show affection to friends have been shaped more by culture than by Scripture. Contrary to the ethos of Hollywood and the contemporary film industry, the highest form of love isn’t romance but sacrifice: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).

Although physical affection is perhaps the first type of affection that comes to mind, it isn’t the only kind of affection, or even the most important kind. I can also demonstrate affection for others through my speech. The words I say, either to my friend or about my friend, can express how I feel about her and what she means to me. I can even express verbal affection through such simple phrases as “I miss you” or “I’m glad you’re in my life” or “I’m grateful for your friendship.”

Words of verbal affection can also be a means of encouraging friends who are in the midst of trial. Statements we make when we’re being verbally affectionate contain propositional truth, which can serve all kinds of purposes. I once discovered that a friend didn’t receive a promotion that he was expecting and that the rejection he was experiencing was triggering feelings of doubt about his personal worth and value. In situations like these, I can aim the words I speak to him directly at the wounds that are currently the source of pain. In addition to sympathizing with his suffering, I can remind him that I value him.

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